Line the generations up like falls furrowing through an old mountain range and try to distinguish the wash at your feet from the rapids above. One thing is for sure. Water rarely runs uphill. Which is to say, looking back through all the generations that graciously led you into being in order to decide where you are is a struggle with less. Less water. Less sediment. Less falls. But the real difference, perhaps the only desirable reason to climb against the current would be for the calm of altitude. The singular silence of it.
Time and time again--and perhaps till the day I die--I try and convince myself to think less. I used to think (there I go again) I wanted to feel less (teenagers!) but the truth is, my thoughts are not completely in my control. It's so easy to parrot phrases and concepts, springing little leaks of information as we swallow the sea. We say "how did you become a zen master?" to a cat at a party or "you think too much" as we slick back our eyebrows and put hot, sloppy moves on some unsuspecting number. But few of us I dare say follow the concept to it's conclusion.
I think too much.
How is it even possible? How can you think any less? This is the immediate explanation of the brain by the brain. And thus a self referential query thrown away like a handful of deli napkins.
Then again. Just like those coarse meaningless little white squares, the question seems to litter the scenery. It comes through in the things we fear about who we are. The habits we want to correct within ourselves. Less time with screens. More time in nature. Yoga. Exercise. Cooking more at home. Eating less processed junk. Work/life balance. Couldn't they all be ways up the mountain? Don't they ultimately lead to less thought? You say what about the good thoughts, I say what about this?
You are not your thoughts.
This sentiment is essentially the truth behind most major religions. While they would assert that there is a gentle hand scratching behind the ears of the universe--and some assign a lot more guilt than others to this idea--I'll simply say the ability to watch your thoughts is the clouds going by. Each one is creation. A scroll covered in fluffy stuff. Ready to be sculpted into whatever your mind can muster.
You may think you should be doing something(be good at everything). Look a certain way(sexy!). Feel a certain way(happy as fuck forevvvvvver!). Act a certain way(charming!). Think that you are a recipe of things and one day you will be baked into THE PERSON YOU ARE MEANT TO BE. That is precisely what you are not. You are not a story that people read (even if you were on the news once). You are not either strictly how you feel. You are the most complicated, inspirational, capable, confusing, wondrous being on earth, just by the fact of being a 100% organic corn fed (if you live in America) human being.
How do we even survive on our hind legs for 100 years? Our spines? Come on! They're nuts. You're an insanely undefinable thing. And you think just because you have the most evolved brain that you can rate and dissect the pith of all things not just scientifically but using your seemingly uncontrollable emotions! Just. Let. Go. You didn't ask for any of this, that's why it's a gift. Let's unwrap this bitch! And play with the packaging.
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